Esco & Sallie: An Amazing Connection & Journey

Life Lessons by Sallie Stewart

Life Lesson's I have learned: 
1.   When you are knocked to the ground. First, heal.
2.   Get boundaries.
3.   Get up.
4.   Re-enforce your boundaries.
5.   Get tools.
6.   Clean house and repeat #4
7.   Keep going.
8.   Reach higher than your comfort zone.
9.   Listen to your gut, no matter WHAT ANYONE says, never go against your gut.
10. Be grateful, live a life of Gratitude.
11. BE TRUE TO YOURSELF!
12. Love without prejudice.
13. Have support. Not to hold your hand, but to Coach you, encourage and inspire you to grow!!!

Not Afraid to Fly...

A Come Back in Life

"Esco proved to me today.......HE PROVED to me. It is ALL possible! Another inredible powerful ride! He is focused! He is Ready!.......I am focused and I am ready! It is the best thing to run at life that is ahead of you! It absolutely is a comeback.......A COME BACK IN LIFE.........IN LIFE! ♥ He has come far, I have come far!. It feels good to grow through adversity. I want to grow past this, not shrink. And, so we are growing. This is about playing out the hand you are dealt......the best you can! You play out the hand life deals you, but you play it! ♥"

~Sallie

A Life Saved...

Everyone wants to know what the turning point was. It was simple, a coach in an arena said, "Sallie......YOU COUNT AND YOU MATTER! then he point to Esco and said, " And He counts, He absolutely matters!" ......the day my life was saved again. But this time in a different way.

Never Give Up!

For awhile there, I allowed a "few" to shake my confidence. " Sell that horse" they said. " Is riding really so important to you that you would continue to ride "that" horse?" I allowed a "few" to shake my confidence to the core of my inner being. They shook it so hard. I started to wonder if I was even worthy enough to be a human being. After that accident, I did not start out insecure. I just wanted to carry on and get better. Huge set backs came in 2009, but I fought through them. Confidence was non existent by Jan 2011. I am confident again. Can confidence be taken? yes, if you allow it. Someone can always shake you. It is up to us, to keep up iron clad boundaries. Dont ever allow anyone to make a joke of you. Those who do not wish you well, show them the door and then lock it. Esco and I have swung hard through a cement wall. And we have reached the other side. It can be done. It absolutely can be done. We are coming back at life. Many many thanks to a spouse, horse and Coach. Dont give up!......never give up. ♥

Improving with Fire and Determination

Be Present

Someone asked me a question awhile go and I had to really think about it.

"What was the biggest break through moment with Osinski?" 

Well, there wasn't one.  The clouds did not part and the sky did not open up or anything. Riding takes work, period. It takes practice and repetition. It took Mike Osinski coaching me and through his coaching he helped me to be "present" and I became "present" and lived in the moment. On that horse, in that arena, with this coach... I was present. I think we can do just about anything, if we learn to stay present.

Sallie Stewart

February 17, 2012 - All Things are Possible

All things are absolutely possible if one wants it bad enough. Horse it just a metaphor......he can apply to many things in life. This is the ride of the 17th THE DAY. This day, and this accident do not own me anymore. It is all possible. ♥



Oh yes, I have absolutely lived under tremendous pressure LOL. If you dont think a Brain Injury was much. Try, riding the horse who gave it to you, then nearly losing everything. Pressure? nope have no idea what that is. LOL I can tell you, it is amazing what one can survive. Love yourself well, just love yourself well ♥

Sallie Stewart

I Dreamed Him Into My Life...

I will never forget the day, I first met him. The way he confidently walked up to the fence and submissively looked him my eyes. " So you are the one? ". Hardest thing was to know I had found my horse, and not take him home with me. Every night, I laid my head down on my pillow, I looked at his pic on my screen saver and said , " Esco come to me." It started in late Jan. , by April he was here. Mike, says, I dreamed him into my life. Others say, he flew into my life as if on some mission. Me? I have no answer's. I can only say, the horse moved my soul since day one. My life has never been the same since the day he arrived. The people, I have met over Escogido.......have been nothing more than beautiful. This horse has been a gift, on so many levels. SO many levels.

Sallie Stewart

The Horse Moved My Soul...

Watched footage of riding a couple years ago. He moved me. The horse moved my soul. I knew, I could not stay where I was and keep him in my life. I had to grow, I had to rise up, to overcome. In the end, I suppose the horse is a metaphor representing life. When I had to push to through, and not stop ever. For if I stopped ridding the horse, I would have stopped living life.


~Sallie Stewart

Finished Strong!

Traumatic Brain Injury ~ WHAT IS IT?

I have come to learn the majority of the USA has not clue what a TBI is. When I have said my horse fell on me, leaving me with a TBI. The first thing people say is, “ Glad you recovered.”

People who have had a TBI, usually either laugh, ( such as myself) or some take offense at such a statement.

You see if I told you, I had a stroke the response would be “ Oh, are you doing ok?”

So what is a TBI ? As a TBI survivor, I hope I am able to shed some light on the subject.

A TBI, is when the brain is shook hard enough caused by trauma for a bleed or bleeds to occur. Along with the bleeding comes swelling. Blood is lethal to the brain, and kills cells. Swelling which occurs all over the brain, also kills cells. It is by a miracle that people live. For many years they did not when any of the above mentioned occurred.

Many of us, can rehab the physical disabilities. However, there is this ‘cognitive” side. That is a struggle. For me personally, I have said for the past year, the best I ever was “cognitively’ was 2009.

In 2010 , for some reason, I regressed ‘cognitively”. By early 2011, I was extreamly frustrated. As all that I had gained, slipped away like some cruel joke.

Riding, my horse, is what ‘cognitively’ rehabilitated me. Riding with instruction, made new connections on some level for me. Going back into steady lessons in 2011, has now rehabbed me again. I as of this moment am where I was in 2009. This time, however, a bit smarter. I know fatigue is a very big issue, and when I am tired, I go to bed. Often such a nap for me is 5 hours. I get up, eat, go back to bed and sleep another 9 -10 hours. When I have slept 9-10hrs, and go to the barn, I am cognitively “ok”. Again, a 5hr nap must occur and 9-10 hrs of sleep. Any sleep less than this, ask my trainer, I simply can not function.

It in my opinion, it worth research on behalf of the Medical Field to study the brain with an EEG, while one rides a horse, with instruction or during lesson’s. Most people do not receive rehab of any sort after a TBI. According to the BIAA ( Brain Injury Association of America) 60% of violent offender’s sitting in prison, have a history of a TBI, and have had no rehab therapy at all.

My hope deep in my soul, is that awareness of TBI’s is brought forward. I am so lucky, I live in a rural area. This helped much with the PTSD. I often think of those who live in a busy city and think with all the stimulus , how do they cope after a TBI? The stats show, not well, not well at all.

Just something for people to start thinking about.

~ Sallie Stewart

Gratitude

Mike my trainer and Mike my husband and Esco have all three taught me something. Gratitude, on a deep sense. Be grateful and thankful for all things in life. And I truly mean for all things. For the first time, I look up at the evening sky and really look at it. And I am grateful for this sky and the stars. Grateful every night I have a bed to sleep in, a couch to sit on...etc

Gratitude, such a simple word. Many, I think have forgotten what it means. I am a simple person. I enjoy experiences in life. Not shopping or things. Riding has significantly improved. Esco and I have really been working hard. And we will continue to work hard, first show this March!

We have been working on our Dressage Tests. This takes me a bit longer to learn new material, but I have done so. Osinski is a Judge, it is so nice to ride a test for him and be able to hear what we did well, and what we need to work on. Hard work, and achievement, makes my soul feel alive and free.
We indeed are grateful, so grateful! May sound real simple, but riding it gives me purpose, freedom and goals to achieve!

~ Sallie Stewart

Sallie and Esco Prints available on Zazzle!

If you enjoyed the "Sallie and Esco" painting by Gretchen Schroeder, it is now available as a print for purchase in the new Sallie and Esco Zazzle store! There are also a few other products for your consideration. All proceeds from the Zazzle store sales will go directly to Sallie and Esco in support of their recovery journey.

"Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts." Winston Churchill

Ride with your soul!

I wanted to sell Esco this past spring. I was tired of wondering every single time I got on his back, if it would be my last ride ever. Then after a simple hack on the trail this past Spring of 2011 things started to click again. I remembered why I rode and why I loved horses. And, more importantly why I rode him. I ride for the "feel", for the joy, the freedom we feel. You have all felt that . This hack...seems so simple, but for three years, it has been something I was not able to do. I was too fearful. If I did not have my trainer, next to me.......I was scared to death. After each and every ride, to tell you the truth, my happiest moment, was when it was over. And I was still alive! To go on a hack by myself, with Esco.....was a huge moment. After the hack on the trail, I went back to the arena...I rode just like I did on the hack, with my soul. I could canter the horse any and everywhere in that huge arena. For three years.......when My trainer would say, "And Canter!".....the blood would just drain from my body. A terrible feeling for a person who was once so free. I rode on edge every single minute. Every single stride, I rode on edge. Oh I did all the mental exercises, visualizing things we do.  But honest to goodness, just ride with your soul, and your mind will relax, fear will leave and your position and body will fall into place. It has not been a matter of learning, but rather a matter of "feeling" this and living this again. I know of any other way to capture the "feel" than to just keep going until it appears. Then you can own it and yours.

Funny where you can find answers. On the back of a horse, on a trail.
Uncurl your toes.....and ride with your soul!
Move with your horse and with life! Embrace it, smile, breathe.Ride with your soul. More importantly LIVE with your soul!!

Sallie Stewart

“Though we are different yet we are the same” ~ Sallie Stewart

Sallie and Esco,  © 2011 by Gretchen Schroeder

We as people, have all faced adversity at sometime along our path in life.And, adversity, does change us.  There are some things in which one never gets over, it merely becomes apart of us, and we learn to carry on.  Really, what all look for is freedom. Freedom to dance on the stage of life as who we are. To be accepted, to be loved unconditionally, for who we are. We all want freedom, to be ourselves.  I can not think of one person who wants to be shoved in a box and told who they are. Nope, we as people desire freedom to be who we are in our heart of hearts.

Escogido XXV showed me this. He showed me how to be free. He loved me unconditionally. He loved me through gut wrenching fear. He loved me through memory loss. He loved me through , “ Who am I?”. He loved me through tremendous self doubt and self worth.  And it was because of my love for him, that I sought answers, sought help, sought education and sought new tools. And in the end, I learned self acceptance. I learned, it was ok to love myself, even with my new short comings.  We as people in general are quite similar.  Though we are different yet we are the same.

Sallie Stewart

“Grab that determination in the pit of your gut, and ride, with that determination!” ~ Mike Osinski

Recovery from this brain injury, has been up, down and all around. It really has been two steps forward 3 steps back. And where it really showed, was in my riding. Though I took lessons weekly, my riding was inconsistent. Not because I did not take my lessons seriously, I took them very serious. But, because my brain was still rewiring and reconnecting. My horse Escogido, he fell on me in the walk. Why was I so afraid of the canter? For the same reason I was afraid to drive in traffic. My ability to process information was very slow. Cars driving at me in their own lane, was overwhelming. Driving over 40 miles an hour was scary. It was hard for my brain to take in all the information. Things that a “normal person” would never even think about as being information. Much of what our brain actually does, we take for granted.

The same goes for riding. The faster gates were hard for quite some time. There was so much information my brain had to process...other horses to avoid, staying in a straight line or on a circle with activity taking place around me. It was difficult to take in. But this did get better, it just took time.

When I was able to process information faster, then I had no confidence in myself. I would think, “ But can I steer him in the canter?” or “ But what if I accidentally run into another horse.” I had a lot of self doubt. Not so much fear, but more of , “ Can I do this? Am I good enough to canter this horse?”

It was very frustrating for me. What had once been a source of freedom to my very soul, I now questioned if I was competent enough to do so. The canter is by far the most freeing gate while riding.

Cantering a horse opens your soul , you feel light and free. It is a tremendous feeling of joy, relaxation, and fun. Cantering on a horse does much for the body, mind and soul.

In a lesson with Osinski, he came on the head set, and said, “ Nice in the trot, and , now canter………and Sallie, canter. Aaaand Caaaanter! Ok, Sallie, you have gone 6 circles around me in the trot now Canter.”

As, I quickly reached to wipe a tear off my cheek, so Mike would not see it. He came on the head set and said in a coaching voice, “ I know.... I know, you are afraid Sallie, but you have determination, I have seen it. Now, grab that determination in the pit of your gut, and ride with that determination!”

BAM, we were in the CAAANNTER! I had to be reminded, I did have drive, I was determined to get better. Those words, they worked. They worked in riding, they worked in my life.

As of today 11/16/2011, I love the canter, and I love to work in the canter. I nearly lost this. I nearly allowed lack of self confidence, self esteem and fear, rob me of one of my most favorite things to do on the back of a horse! “ Grab that determination in the pit of your gut”………..million dollar words.

Sallie Stewart

You've Come A Long Way Baby!

Art work from Gee Marie

This is a comment from Litonya(from the November 9th post, "Their Journey"), a close relative of Sallie's. It gives us a different point of view from someone who saw Sallie in the beginning, saw her struggle towards recovery.

"You've come a long way, Baby! Sallie, when I got the call from Mike that you had been in an accident, had been hospitalized and were going home to finish recovering, I decided it was time to make the long drive for a visit and show you my support. We live so far from each other but I wanted to make sure you were ok and that you knew how much I love you. Mike sounded nervous on the phone. I balled him out for not calling sooner... So Aunt Lynne (my mom) and I made the trip. I was shocked. You could not find the words to express things you knew you wanted to do. You recognized me but couldn't say my name. You couldn't remember what "that thing that mixes up the clothes" was(while gesturing the action of the washing machine's agitator). On the other hand, you could cuss like a sailor and you looked ok. But I knew there was something seriously wrong. The look of shock still lingered on Mike's face. I felt bad that I had to leave. I wanted to do something but didn't know what I could possibly do. When we left, I looked at my mom and said, "She's like a 5 year old! This is awful. Poor Mike. She has no idea what is going on and he just looks lost. I hope to God she will improve with time." Mom was equally concerned. I talked to you on the phone about a week later and you had made a huge improvement! You knew who I was, kind of. Not yourself but better. The following week, better! The next visit to your house, you repeated things a lot but you knew my name. You were obsessed with getting a job. I kept saying, "Hon, you gotta give yourself more time. You are not ready to go back to work." You: "No! I HAVE to get a job!" Me: "It's ok. You will get there. But you have to stop stressing out!" I remember one conversation you were asking me if I thought you would ever be like you were before the accident. I told you that you needed to get lots of sleep so your brain could heal and re-create the neuropathways that had been damaged. I didn't know if that was true but was drawing on what I had learned in college about the brain. But it seemed to give you hope and some comfort. I think it allowed you to relax a little. You were so stressed out! Nearly panicked. And I would say, "You are ok. You are getting better and better every day." And here you are! I'm so proud of you for not giving up and really going after more and better. You sought out help. You tried to gain understanding by doing research (once you figured out how to use the computer again). You pursued healing. You may not be totally the same but who is? You ARE the Sallie I grew up with. You are the same person that married Mike. You have some challenges you didn't have before but you've never allowed something like a mountain to get in your way! I love you much, Sis."

...and he said, "Be the leader this horse needs and deserves you to be!"~ Mike Osinski‏

…and he said, “Be the leader this horse needs and deserves you to be!"~Mike Osinski
These are the words I heard this summer, while frail, timid me was in a lesson on a horse, that I truly was unsure of to ride. I loved him, but had given up on him, as well as myself. Osinski, from the second I mounted the horse, started in with instruction. " Shorten the reins, take a hold of him. You hold his mouth Sallie. Just like you held your sons hands when they were little. You will feel him try to squirm out of your hands. You say NO, you hold your momma's hand." As Esco squirmed and pulled the reins Mike would say, " NO, you do not let him break the contact with your hand, you tell him by using your hands, No, you hang on to my hand and let me guide you." Then Mike went into ," Good he is on the bit and connected, now rising trot. And Sallie YOU keep the connection, you do NOT let him give up the contact. After that was successful. Mike then instructed us to canter. While cantering I of course lost connection, horse looked terrible, I looked out of sorts. Mike came on to say, " Bring him back down to trot, get organized again, and canter again." We were now cantering. Mike came on the head set loud and clear with, " Don't you quit!, Don't you dare quit riding!!! You keep him connected on the bit, do not let that little boy let go of your hand. You move those legs of yours and keep him moving in the Canter. I did not see your legs move. If you do not move those legs, there is no need for me to even waste my breathe. You move those legs in the Canter, or I am going to leave the arena " I will tell you, my legs did move. Riding a horse I had lost confidence on, and ...and knowing all I had to do to keep the trainer there was move my legs, you bet my legs moved. A tiny bit, and it took effort, to move them. It also, took me having some faith in me. I trust my trainer, and when he does ask, I do try . Mike was pleased. Then he came on the head set as the horse was begining to slow down, " Sallie...You do not quit riding. BE the LEADER, this horse NEEDS and Deserves you to be!" Those words, are million dollar words. It changed my riding that very day. It also, began to change my life. My life needed a leader. And that leader had to be me. It is us as human beings, who lead our lives by choices we make. Good and bad. At the end of the day, we lead our lives. Mike Osinski reminded me of this, all on the back of a horse.

Sallie Stewart