“Grab that determination in the pit of your gut, and ride, with that determination!” ~ Mike Osinski

Recovery from this brain injury, has been up, down and all around. It really has been two steps forward 3 steps back. And where it really showed, was in my riding. Though I took lessons weekly, my riding was inconsistent. Not because I did not take my lessons seriously, I took them very serious. But, because my brain was still rewiring and reconnecting. My horse Escogido, he fell on me in the walk. Why was I so afraid of the canter? For the same reason I was afraid to drive in traffic. My ability to process information was very slow. Cars driving at me in their own lane, was overwhelming. Driving over 40 miles an hour was scary. It was hard for my brain to take in all the information. Things that a “normal person” would never even think about as being information. Much of what our brain actually does, we take for granted.

The same goes for riding. The faster gates were hard for quite some time. There was so much information my brain had to process...other horses to avoid, staying in a straight line or on a circle with activity taking place around me. It was difficult to take in. But this did get better, it just took time.

When I was able to process information faster, then I had no confidence in myself. I would think, “ But can I steer him in the canter?” or “ But what if I accidentally run into another horse.” I had a lot of self doubt. Not so much fear, but more of , “ Can I do this? Am I good enough to canter this horse?”

It was very frustrating for me. What had once been a source of freedom to my very soul, I now questioned if I was competent enough to do so. The canter is by far the most freeing gate while riding.

Cantering a horse opens your soul , you feel light and free. It is a tremendous feeling of joy, relaxation, and fun. Cantering on a horse does much for the body, mind and soul.

In a lesson with Osinski, he came on the head set, and said, “ Nice in the trot, and , now canter………and Sallie, canter. Aaaand Caaaanter! Ok, Sallie, you have gone 6 circles around me in the trot now Canter.”

As, I quickly reached to wipe a tear off my cheek, so Mike would not see it. He came on the head set and said in a coaching voice, “ I know.... I know, you are afraid Sallie, but you have determination, I have seen it. Now, grab that determination in the pit of your gut, and ride with that determination!”

BAM, we were in the CAAANNTER! I had to be reminded, I did have drive, I was determined to get better. Those words, they worked. They worked in riding, they worked in my life.

As of today 11/16/2011, I love the canter, and I love to work in the canter. I nearly lost this. I nearly allowed lack of self confidence, self esteem and fear, rob me of one of my most favorite things to do on the back of a horse! “ Grab that determination in the pit of your gut”………..million dollar words.

Sallie Stewart